only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
