The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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