We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
