What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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