she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize