This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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