Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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