I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
