when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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