I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
