This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
