What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
