In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
