At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
