the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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