...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
