So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i think i have two assholes
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
