i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
