All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
