she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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