his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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