Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
