If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
