I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
