why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
