I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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