Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
