i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its not stalking. its research.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
