i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
false alarm. still invincible.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
