She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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