I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
