idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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