woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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