I accidentally burped into my bong.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
