just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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