I hate your face
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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