first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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