I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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