Umm I'm too high to move.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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