It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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