There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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