im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
