so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
