dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
