he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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