pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
