some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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