What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
