I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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