I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I love having hate sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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