Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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