I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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