Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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