i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
