I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
