yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
