Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone came in the potted fern
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
