One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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