so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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