I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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