if i can run in heels then i can drive
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
