some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
