Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
