I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I won the penis lottery.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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