I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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