I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
