is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
