and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
