I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
