fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
