just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
