Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
