all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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