Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
