you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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