She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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