rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
