His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
