When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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