After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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