My hand turned me down
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
