And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Randomize
