He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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