I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
