I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
