my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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