They should really pass out barf bags in church
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Less talking, more tequila
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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