fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
