It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
