So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Watching her eat just hurts me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
