remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
