Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize