elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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