i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
