i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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