Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize