Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize