i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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