I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
