whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
