So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
