You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
