I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
