I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Soap is not a condiment
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
