Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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