no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
