Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This is my gift to your gina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
