too bad you live with your parents still
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
