I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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