WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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