we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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