i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
