I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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